The Politburo Celebrates Anniversary by Purging Joe Dressner From Its Ranks!!!

P

Politburo

Administrator
[for immediate release]

Arbois, France (August 31, 2009) -- The Wine Disorder Politburo met today and has decided to celebrate the one year Wine Disorder anniversary by naming Mr. Joe Dressner the first former member of the Politburo.

One anonymous member of the Politburo interviewed after today's deliberations noted, "...while Joe brings really nice wine to the meetings, removing him from the Politburo will reduce our administrative burden by a significant margin, thus allowing each of us to spend much more time with our families and mistresses. Plus, Joe egged on the the Politburo constantly. He started at the first meeting and never really let up -- it made us all wonder if perhaps Joe wanted to be purged. We like to think Joe will be happy with today's decision."

In recognition of his service, a Politburo spokesman noted that Mr. Dressner will be given a bag of oranges, a gross of five-bladed Gillette shaving cartridges, and a complete roster of all Wine Disorder participants in the hope that Joe will no longer misspell the last name of any Disorderly when posting on the Board.

Mr. Dressner was unavailable for comment and was reported to be travelling at the time of the announcement.
 
originally posted by politburo:

In recognition of his service, a Politburo spokesman noted that Mr. Dressner will be given a bag of oranges, a gross of five-bladed Gillette shaving cartridges...
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Hmmm...

One wonders where the politburo gets all those razor blades.
 
A real politburo would just take Joe out early in the morning put him up against the wall and eliminate him as they have always eliminated members who have fallen from grace. Bunch of pussys! Oh for the old days.
 
What more fitting way to celebrate the first anniversary of WD than with a good, time-honored purge of the ranks of the Politburo? I expect to see rehabilitation camps and gulags for dissidents established before the week's out.

Mark Lipton
 
originally posted by Lou Kessler:
What kind of politburo?A real politburo would just take Joe out early in the morning put him up against the wall and eliminate him as they have always eliminated members who have fallen from grace. Bunch of pussys! Oh for the old days.
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Well sometimes, for sentimental reasons, exile to a gulag was an option.
 
originally posted by Steve Guattery:

Hmmm...

One wonders where the politburo gets all those razor blades.
Click to expand...

Damn tootin'. Have you priced multi-blade shavers lately? Wal-Mart, Target, and even Costco might as well be holding a 19-blade razor to your throat when you see what these things cost nowadays (although it should be understood that the 5-digit figure to the left of the decimal point on Costco's price is due to the fact that the package contains 12 gross of the 4-pack razor blade packs, sufficient blades to take care of all the shaving needs of say, all of the attendees and participants at the PGA Masters Tournament in addition to all of the participants and attendees at the Palm Springs stop on the WPGA tour)(isn't Gillette a sponsor? Shick? Bic? Oldsmobile?). What's the deal with the razor proliferation thing anyway? It used to be that you could get awy with using a single edged straight razor but then Gillette went nuts with a double blade setup, and Shick countered with three blades and now it's like ordering a 9 by 9 at In 'n' Out Burger...it sounds good in theory but impossible to deal with in the real world. Kind of like what Brad was getting at when he was trying to convince us that Paso Robles is the new Poil Rouge (or maybe that was Poil Pot or another Politboro entirely). But, I digress.

These super-ultra-humoungo razor blade things are expensive, so I could see how giving a gross of them to Joe would be A, a fine sendoff and baksheesh for Joe's many year of service to the Politboro, given that he could forge a new career selling razor blades at local swap meets; and B, why those guys in Pennsylvania (referenced above) would go to the trouble to boost razor blades instead of Sudafed or anything else that could be turned in crystal meth. I would have to presume that Sudafed theft leads to federal charges, whereas razorblade theft arrests are filed under "close-shaves" and are merely misdemeanors, unless you take maybe four packs, at which point you're up over the felony limit. Still, what judge is going to sentence you to jail and throw away the key for lifting razor blades? Maybe if it was like an entire Peterbilt trailer full of Norelco Arcitec 1090s, well then maybe the rot in hell sorta sentence might make sense, but for manual razor blades, why, I dunno...

So best of luck to Mr. Dressner in his career at the swap meets (he'll meet some interesting people there), and maybe Yixin would be a good person to replace him on the Politboro. He'd have a good excuse for not attending the meetings (or are they called "tribunals") so there'd be more to drink for the other members. Either him or MLipton; I like his work on that TV show where he interviews the movie stars and gets they to spew profundities where before there were none. This could come in handy on the Politboro.

-Eden (I will not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected)
 
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