The Old Testament

L

Levi Dalton

Levi Dalton
For a long time I've wished for an Old Testament wine list. You know how wine lists usually are: a producer name, a vineyard site or something, a vintage, a price. It is all so nice and calm, like a strip mall in Emeryville (here is the housing goods store, here is the grocery store, there is the drugstore, here is the pizza place, that's all that needs be, yes?).

Instead I wish for an Old Testament. Like this wine is here on this list because Joseph begat Jacob who begat Abraham who begat...something like that. I'd like a story. Not even necessarily THE story, just a story.

Like, this wine is here because I was hanging with the importer once late night and he let slip after too many Mai Tais that this cuvee was completely bangin', and he wished he could get more of an allocation from the producer. So I waited a couple of months until it got brought in and then I was all like "Umm, you know, that stuff we have been buying is good and all, but I just feel like going with this other cuvee this go around" and the SAME DUDE who had told me in the first place, but couldn't remember, was all impressed with my insight. Thinks I'm a regular Moses now.

Or: I read about this wine on the my favorite blog, winedigger.blogspot.com, but it took me forever to find it, because I kept searching bevnetwork for GOUGES and actually everyone but the 'Digger calls it Gouges, but I didn't know because some times that same 'Digger doesn't capitalize every producer like it is some sort of Golden Calf, so it was hard for me to tell.

I'd like a story, you know?

And some justification, perhaps. An explanation of the sommelier's ways to the ordinary customer man. As in: this is one bottle out of the 5 cases that I bought at way too high of a price because the sales rep a) is hot or b) is pals with my boss or c) has good weed or d) showed me that the wine was reviewed favorably and I was a sucker for a number. Not everyone is Job. I get that. Just level with me and tell me what happened.

Or: Well, I mean, it sells through. Sure it is shit. But we buy it, we sell it. Simple. Who wants to be Saul in the equation "Saul sells his 1,000s and David sells his 10,000s"? Who?

Possibly even an outcome would be nice. The Old Testament was good with outcomes. Like, yeah, she turned back, and just like that, Pillar of Salt. I'd like that same kind of sense that there was a resolution. Right there on the list. For example:

2004 XYZ Cabernet Sauvignon (Napa, Calif.) $210
Dude had this extracted red wine with his lobster, we watched in horror as he turned into an incredible braggart and self-regarding bore, regaling all who would or would not listen with his tales of hanging out with Aubert de Villaine.

That sort of thing.

Maybe this is too much to ask.
 
Prose layer counters, are maxing out. Nicely done.

And this epistle is pertinent to my imaginary understanding of several wines in my home rotation today. Especially 2008 CRB Sauvignon. Is it really 13.5%? Or is it more? I see it as stealth "Buster" ... maybe.

Don't tell.
 
Or when there's no Burgundy on the list the Sommelier can just say "I let my Pinot go."

Interesting idea though, as sometimes the backstory is almost as much fun as the wine, and enhances the evening, the wine or both.

The problem is of course that it would get picked up by the mainstream, and then we would have countless lists that said things like: Helen Turley once drove past the entrance of this estate, and shouted "Pick now you idiots."
 
You want a Middlemarch wine list. Just read the chapters that have begatting going on in the OT. You'll find they are thin on story. Exodus and 1st and 2nd Samuel have some Ok stories. But really, you want Middlemarch.
 
I must disagree; you want a Dante wine list. A brief description of the area and then a dialog with the vintner/distributor/importer as he admits (or not) his sins. Remember that Purgatory was filled with sinners too, but they managed to repent before it was too late.
 
originally posted by Cole Kendall:
I must disagree; you want a Dante wine list. A brief description of the area and then a dialog with the vintner/distributor/importer as he admits (or not) his sins. Remember that Purgatory was filled with sinners too, but they managed to repent before it was too late.
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Depends on whether he wants narrative or allegory, although I have to admit that the line gets fine in Dante. Still, it sound as if he wanted narrative to me. I might be wrong.
 
Bought on a dark night. Rep was a rhino. Charging. Fast. Tough. Blind-sided me. Leaned across and become one with the wine, with the winemaker, with the grapes. Hell, with the roots. They, too, were dark. Everything became a blur, and you, You fought the Bull. We lost, but we were young and in love.
 
I actually don't like too much narrative on wine lists. Maybe that's because most of the narratives out there tend towards the Goofy and Silly side and I would probably appreciate more Levi Dalton styles, rare as they may be.

But in general I would think it is really hard to put an appropriate narrative for a broad public on a list. I enjoy getting into dialogue with sommeliers and wine merchants but our conversations/narratives are going to be different than when my mother gets into conversation with the same people. So which narrative should go on the list? 'Unfortunately' the broader public is more like my mother which is why the narratives seem to default to "fresh and fruity!"

Of course I'm also internally wired to suspect sales people and sales talk, and excess gibberish on a list is easy to categorize that way without a live person to place it in context.
 
I kind of like narrative winelists, at least when they're not particularly overwrought. The late Henry Bishop III (late of Spiaggia prior to being generally late) was a master of this art, as is the rarely punctual (but not late in that way) Peter Kasperski of Cowboy Ciao, Kazimierz Wine Bar, and Sea Saw over in Scottsdale.

-Eden (that being said, I gotta get over to whatever restaurant Levi is working...sounds like my kinda place)
 
originally posted by Levi Dalton:
.. I'd like a story. Not even necessarily THE story, just a story.
Like, this wine is here because I was hanging with the importer once late night and he let slip...Maybe this is too much to ask.
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Last time I was at Hearth, many of the featured wines on the list had this kind of write-up. Even induced me to order a Pinot Noir from the Sierra Foothills, heretic lunacy. And it was good. Do they still do that?

Or: Well, I mean, it sells through. Sure it is shit. But we buy it, we sell it. Simple...
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It would be interesting to see the effect of a modified version of this on wine sales. Like: "A lot of people love this wine, they tell me it's just so fresh, crisp, lively, whatever. I don't see it, but maybe I'm missing the crispy gene. And I can't drink up all my wine, so here it is."
 
Rahsaan, you're the very definition of a good time.

Christian: don't know about Hearth, but they do it down the street at Terroir (albeit with offputting fonts and layouts), and given that it's the same ownership...

Levi: I'm all for the idea, but I should warn you that I'd have to walk out of a restaurant that employed the word "bangin'" on its wine list. Also, I worry that this might end up looking more like The Screwtape Letters. But ideally, you'd want an Old Testament list up front, and then after much wine has been consumed, a second list with the same wines, but that now reads more like Revelations. It seems appropriate, somehow.
 
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