originally posted by Eden Mylunsch:
Screagle.
Don't denigrate it just because you can't fucking afford the stuff.
And I had some 17 year-old wannabe Kid Rock come into the store once and he demanded to see what "Chris" we had.
I told him that Chris is off today but he'd be in tomorrow.
Vanilla Ice Boy goes, "no, shizznit, you know, CHRIS, the Champagne the rappers be drinking in they videos".
As I escorted this miscreant out the door I informed him that if he couldn't remember the words "Louis Roederer Cristal Ros", he sure as hell wasn't going to remember how to ask for Armand de Brignac, the Champagne that the rappers have shifted their allegiance to (really, could I have been any Cattier)?
After being hurled out into the heat of the Encino parking lot adjacent to my 7-11, he climbed into his BMW M5 but immediately encountered no slight amount of difficulty in manipulating the car's iDrive electronic system. When the perp inserted the key into the ignition to attempt to resurrect the lost soul of KDAY AM, the tweeter sounds began coming out of the subwoofer and the exhaust began pouring out of the midrange speakers and then all the airplanes doing instrument landings at the nearby Van Nuys Airport began trying to land in our parking lot because something goofy was going on with the car's electrical system (you ain't never gotten your adrenalin pumping like it does when you see a Citation X coming right at you while trying to land on a 400 foot runway that's not really a runway!!!).
Anyhow, the airplanes landing and the subwoofers tweeting distracted Junior long enough for a passing repo man to realize that the car was three hours behind in his payments (in Encino that counts as being late) so he yanked him from the car and forced him to suffer the ignominy of having to ride on the bus and then even the repo guy, well he couldn't figure out the goddamn iDrive controls (the freakin' iDrive manual is something like 300 pages long and is written in a German dialect so obscure that even David Schildknecht has to call James Wright to understand it). Rather than waste any more time, Mr Repo simply walked across the street to the Ford dealership and traded the BMW to a gullible salesperson. It was a straight across deal, the M5 for a new Focus and a used Escort (sounds like political talk, not car deals). It was quite a day.
BTW, the word "redolent" doesn't keep me awake nights, but I'm feeling that "piehole" is becoming altogether overused nowadays. And don't you think that it lacks specificity? Is the pie coming in or going out? And is it always the same hole or is it different holes? And what kind of pie?
-Eden (it's got an okay buzz factor, this l'Enfant Terrible, but something from Paso Robles might have made this a more interesting post)