foreign objects

Perhaps they contain an electronic sensor that relays vital information to the wearer's brain. I can see it now, "Tired of those effete and snobbish wine bores? Now you, too, can know all there is to know about wine with the new wine stud. Just pierce, insert and instantly spout wine knowledge like a professional. But wait, there's more-- for an additional $19.95. you can learn to swirl and spit like a pro, with our easy swirl and spit DVD. Call now, operators are standing by!"
 
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