Wine Violence-A Poem by Ben Sherwin

B

Ben Sherwin

Ben Sherwin
Should a wine jump from the glass
as I've seen in people's notes?
Should it punch you in the nose
or grab you by the throat?

Is it safe to drink a wine
that makes you shake and stammer?
Will it leap out from your Riedel
and hit you like a hammer?

Don't get me wrong dear reader,
I don't want a wine that's silent.
I just wonder why so many notes
are so unbelievably violent!
 
originally posted by Ben Sherwin:
Wine Violence-A Poem by Ben SherwinShould a wine jump from the glass
as I've seen in people's notes?
Should it punch you in the nose
or grab you by the throat?

Is it safe to drink a wine
that makes you shake and stammer?
Will it leap out from your Riedel
and hit you like a hammer?

Don't get me wrong dear reader,
I don't want a wine that's silent.
I just wonder why so many notes
are so unbelievably violent!
Click to expand...

No doubt reprisal for the way you grab your meter by the throat and throttle it until it's well and truly dead.
 
originally posted by Ben Sherwin:
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
No doubt reprisal for the way you grab your meter by the throat and throttle it until it's well and truly dead.
Click to expand...
Um, actually, the meter is 7 beats for each line, subject to reasonable poetic license...jackass.
Click to expand...

Actually, mostly it's a four beat trochaic line. Revising "riedel" to "glass" would help one line. Your final quatrain though seems to follow a different drummer.
Click to expand...
 
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
originally posted by Ben Sherwin:
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
No doubt reprisal for the way you grab your meter by the throat and throttle it until it's well and truly dead.
Click to expand...
Um, actually, the meter is 7 beats for each line, subject to reasonable poetic license...jackass.
Click to expand...

Actually, mostly it's a four beat trochaic line. Revising "riedel" to "glass" would help one line. Your final quatrain though seems to follow a different drummer.
Click to expand...
Not trochaic actually. I guess I've been reading too much William Carlos Williams. I'll try to stick to common iambic pentameter next time.
Click to expand...
 
originally posted by Ben Sherwin:
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
originally posted by Ben Sherwin:
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
No doubt reprisal for the way you grab your meter by the throat and throttle it until it's well and truly dead.
Click to expand...
Um, actually, the meter is 7 beats for each line, subject to reasonable poetic license...jackass.
Click to expand...

Actually, mostly it's a four beat trochaic line. Revising "riedel" to "glass" would help one line. Your final quatrain though seems to follow a different drummer.
Click to expand...
Not trochaic actually. I guess I've been reading too much William Carlos Williams. I'll try to stick to common iambic pentameter next time.
Click to expand...

Iambs and troches are sometimes a matter of guess work since they just reverse stress. Still, I find it odd to put the stress on "a" rather than "Should," "jump," rather than "wine" and "the" rather than "from" (vague particles as both of those last two words are). And although "I've" rather than "as" might reverse the meter in the second line, "seen" and the stressed first syllable of "People" sort of forces the next line. One could go through most of it until the last quatrain similarly. If this follows some more complex meter invented by Williams, I will admit to not seeing it.
Click to expand...
 
I'm not buying either side's argument about meter when neither one can figure out how the quote code works. Just sayin.

Full points to Ben for using "jackass" (though I've been on an "asshat" tear myself lately), and to the Prof. for ignoring it. Both made me giggle. But, it's been a tough week in these parts, so I may be an easier mark than usual.

Cheers,

Dave
 
I would have voted "no pants" given the option, but, after much deliberation settled on "Answer 5". What meter did you employ in drafting the poll, Bree? Nice html, btw.

Cheers,

Dave
 
There once was a wino named Sherwin
Who managed to get the pot stirrin'
By penning a rhyme
In uncertain time,
A practice that Loesberg's deterrin'

Mark Lipton
 
"or grab you by the throat?" = 6 beats
"Will it leap out from your Riedel" = 8 beats
"I don't want a wine that's silent." = 8 beats
"I just wonder why so many notes" = 9 beats
"are so unbelievably violent!" = 9 beats

You've got a really loose idea of 7-ness.
 
originally posted by Jeff Grossman:
"or grab you by the throat?" = 6 beats
"Will it leap out from your Riedel" = 8 beats
"I don't want a wine that's silent." = 8 beats
"I just wonder why so many notes" = 9 beats
"are so unbelievably violent!" = 9 beats

You've got a really loose idea of 7-ness.
Click to expand...

Jeff; those aren't beats...
 
Are you trying to tell me that

1. are 2. so 3. un 4. be 5. liev 6. a 7. bly 8. vio 9. lent

is actually 7 bits of speech?

(Note: IANAP.)
 
originally posted by Brad Kane:
originally posted by Susannah:
originally posted by Brad Kane:

8. vi 9. o 10. lent
Click to expand...
You must be a Yankee.
Click to expand...

You a chawbacon?
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Okay, I just had to go look that up on the internets. I got a bunch of stuff saying that chawbacon means stuff like "yokel, someone unintelligent and uninterested in culture, a hick not used to eating any meat but bacon." So, yeah, I guess so.
 
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