Billionaire's Vinegar goes Hollywood

I suppose there's some international intrigue but, really, isn't most of the action going to be thrill-a-minute litigation? Seems dull. And the over-arching theme -- the rich man didn't get what he wanted -- is too sad for words!
 
A friend's husband here in Malibu was approached early-on in the game to write this film. He passed because he couldn't think of any way to make the movie interesting to anyone who wasn't already enthralled with wine. And even then, there's not a whole lot of opportunity for a car chase, there's nothing to blow up, nobody (that we know of) has been murdered (yet), and who's going to want to watch a sex scene with Hardy Rodenstock and a matronly widow who inherited a cellar with a lot of old bottles? eeeewwwwww.

-Eden ("Michael Broadbent said he did not wish to comment." - smart man, he)
 
Having read the book sometime back, I can't imagine how one could make an interesting movie out of it nor have I any desire to see such a film. It might make "Bottle Shock" seem like a Palme d'Or contender.

Mark Lipton
 
Come on people, use a little melodramatic investigation: the movie starts with Thomas Jefferson acquiring the real bottle of wine. This bottle has mystical significance because it somehow contains the blood of both Jesus Christ and Adam Locke (the real person who wrote the works of both John Locke and Adam Smith, natch), thus enabling Jefferson to define a secular, democratic government that nevertheless has the sacredness of Jesus before he was corrupted by Christianity. Jefferson preserved this bottle in a secret place so that its essence would continue to fund world progress toward freedom and Dan Brown spirituality.

Fast forward to the present, at which time, two people are working in consequence of the loss of this bottle and its threatening destruction of what Jefferson built. One, our hero, named Lance Larue, or something, seeks to find the original bottle and put it in a safe place among those who will know its value and thus allow it to manifest its world-rattling importance. In this quest, he, of course, meets a beautiful young female wine lover, who is at first skeptical of his extra-vinuous ends as a)deluded and b)possibly self-serving but who comes to recognize both his intelligence and his aspirations. He, of course, though he needs her geekly knowledge, is exasperated by her lack of belief and underestimates the importance of that knowledge to what they need to achieve. Here we get sex between beautiful Hollywood actors.

Their quest is obstructed by the evil Rodenstock (played by someone like Jeremy Irons or Alan Rickman), who both wants to get and drink the real bottle and to fund his aims by selling a forged one (which contains, of course, cheap merlot, because all those rich people who will bid on the bottle are too stupid to know the difference--hence scenes of cheap comedy at their expense). Rodenstock's attempts to get the real bottle lead to requisite car chases and escapes. Rodenstock, of course, has a beautiful but calculating and evil female assistant who will early on seduce our hero to get some vital information (causing periodic comic jealousy between our hero and his ultimate wine-geek true love)and, who will have some sort of kinky sex with Rodenstock that will indicate their perversity but also be normal soft-core porn.

I shouldn't need to spell out the rest.
 
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
Come on people, use a little melodramatic investigation: the movie starts with Thomas Jefferson acquiring the real bottle of wine. This bottle has mystical significance because it somehow contains the blood of both Jesus Christ and Adam Locke (the real person who wrote the works of both John Locke and Adam Smith, natch), thus enabling Jefferson to define a secular, democratic government that nevertheless has the sacredness of Jesus before he was corrupted by Christianity. Jefferson preserved this bottle in a secret place so that its essence would continue to fund world progress toward freedom and Dan Brown spirituality.

Fast forward to the present, at which time, two people are working in consequence of the loss of this bottle and its threatening destruction of what Jefferson built. One, our hero, named Lance Larue, or something, seeks to find the original bottle and put it in a safe place among those who will know its value and thus allow it to manifest its world-rattling importance. In this quest, he, of course, meets a beautiful young female wine lover, who is at first skeptical of his extra-vinuous ends as a)deluded and b)possibly self-serving but who comes to recognize both his intelligence and his aspirations. He, of course, though he needs her geekly knowledge, is exasperated by her lack of belief and underestimates the importance of that knowledge to what they need to achieve. Here we get sex between beautiful Hollywood actors.

Their quest is obstructed by the evil Rodenstock (played by someone like Jeremy Irons or Alan Rickman), who both wants to get and drink the real bottle and to fund his aims by selling a forged one (which contains, of course, cheap merlot, because all those rich people who will bid on the bottle are too stupid to know the difference--hence scenes of cheap comedy at their expense). Rodenstock's attempts to get the real bottle lead to requisite car chases and escapes. Rodenstock, of course, has a beautiful but calculating and evil female assistant who will early on seduce our hero to get some vital information (causing periodic comic jealousy between our hero and his ultimate wine-geek true love)and, who will have some sort of kinky sex with Rodenstock that will indicate their perversity but also be normal soft-core porn.

I shouldn't need to spell out the rest.
Click to expand...

Needs aliens.
 
originally posted by Kay Bixler:
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
Come on people, use a little melodramatic investigation: the movie starts with Thomas Jefferson acquiring the real bottle of wine. This bottle has mystical significance because it somehow contains the blood of both Jesus Christ and Adam Locke (the real person who wrote the works of both John Locke and Adam Smith, natch), thus enabling Jefferson to define a secular, democratic government that nevertheless has the sacredness of Jesus before he was corrupted by Christianity. Jefferson preserved this bottle in a secret place so that its essence would continue to fund world progress toward freedom and Dan Brown spirituality.

Fast forward to the present, at which time, two people are working in consequence of the loss of this bottle and its threatening destruction of what Jefferson built. One, our hero, named Lance Larue, or something, seeks to find the original bottle and put it in a safe place among those who will know its value and thus allow it to manifest its world-rattling importance. In this quest, he, of course, meets a beautiful young female wine lover, who is at first skeptical of his extra-vinuous ends as a)deluded and b)possibly self-serving but who comes to recognize both his intelligence and his aspirations. He, of course, though he needs her geekly knowledge, is exasperated by her lack of belief and underestimates the importance of that knowledge to what they need to achieve. Here we get sex between beautiful Hollywood actors.

Their quest is obstructed by the evil Rodenstock (played by someone like Jeremy Irons or Alan Rickman), who both wants to get and drink the real bottle and to fund his aims by selling a forged one (which contains, of course, cheap merlot, because all those rich people who will bid on the bottle are too stupid to know the difference--hence scenes of cheap comedy at their expense). Rodenstock's attempts to get the real bottle lead to requisite car chases and escapes. Rodenstock, of course, has a beautiful but calculating and evil female assistant who will early on seduce our hero to get some vital information (causing periodic comic jealousy between our hero and his ultimate wine-geek true love)and, who will have some sort of kinky sex with Rodenstock that will indicate their perversity but also be normal soft-core porn.

I shouldn't need to spell out the rest.
Click to expand...

Sheesh. Everybody's a critic. What about trains, momma and old dogs?

Needs aliens.
Click to expand...
 
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
Rodenstock, of course, has a beautiful but calculating and evil female assistant ... who will have some sort of kinky sex with Rodenstock that will indicate their perversity but also be normal soft-core porn.
Click to expand...

Hilarious.
 
originally posted by Kay Bixler:
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
Come on people, use a little melodramatic investigation: the movie starts with Thomas Jefferson acquiring the real bottle of wine. This bottle has mystical significance because it somehow contains the blood of both Jesus Christ and Adam Locke (the real person who wrote the works of both John Locke and Adam Smith, natch), thus enabling Jefferson to define a secular, democratic government that nevertheless has the sacredness of Jesus before he was corrupted by Christianity. Jefferson preserved this bottle in a secret place so that its essence would continue to fund world progress toward freedom and Dan Brown spirituality.

Fast forward to the present, at which time, two people are working in consequence of the loss of this bottle and its threatening destruction of what Jefferson built. One, our hero, named Lance Larue, or something, seeks to find the original bottle and put it in a safe place among those who will know its value and thus allow it to manifest its world-rattling importance. In this quest, he, of course, meets a beautiful young female wine lover, who is at first skeptical of his extra-vinuous ends as a)deluded and b)possibly self-serving but who comes to recognize both his intelligence and his aspirations. He, of course, though he needs her geekly knowledge, is exasperated by her lack of belief and underestimates the importance of that knowledge to what they need to achieve. Here we get sex between beautiful Hollywood actors.

Their quest is obstructed by the evil Rodenstock (played by someone like Jeremy Irons or Alan Rickman), who both wants to get and drink the real bottle and to fund his aims by selling a forged one (which contains, of course, cheap merlot, because all those rich people who will bid on the bottle are too stupid to know the difference--hence scenes of cheap comedy at their expense). Rodenstock's attempts to get the real bottle lead to requisite car chases and escapes. Rodenstock, of course, has a beautiful but calculating and evil female assistant who will early on seduce our hero to get some vital information (causing periodic comic jealousy between our hero and his ultimate wine-geek true love)and, who will have some sort of kinky sex with Rodenstock that will indicate their perversity but also be normal soft-core porn.

I shouldn't need to spell out the rest.
Click to expand...

Needs aliens.
Click to expand...

Attack of the phylloxera!
 
Really, I had thought that I had stolen the plot from the Nicholas Cage National Archives movies, plus the Da Vinci Code, plus various chase movies, etc. Who knew I had been beaten to that punch. Actually, with Hollywood codes of originality, I think the treatment above could still stand as "original." And certainly, if someone can work in aliens, it should be a go.
 
originally posted by Keith Levenberg:
As it happens, they've actually already made a movie about an auction of an old bottle of Lafite.

Loading…

www.imdb.com

The evil German con-man angle should add an extra level of intrigue.
Click to expand...
Fabu.

I note that it grossed under $3M overall, half of that in the first weekend (==> movie was a flop).
 
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
originally posted by Kay Bixler:
originally posted by Jonathan Loesberg:
Come on people, use a little melodramatic investigation: the movie starts with Thomas Jefferson acquiring the real bottle of wine. This bottle has mystical significance because it somehow contains the blood of both Jesus Christ and Adam Locke (the real person who wrote the works of both John Locke and Adam Smith, natch), thus enabling Jefferson to define a secular, democratic government that nevertheless has the sacredness of Jesus before he was corrupted by Christianity. Jefferson preserved this bottle in a secret place so that its essence would continue to fund world progress toward freedom and Dan Brown spirituality.

Fast forward to the present, at which time, two people are working in consequence of the loss of this bottle and its threatening destruction of what Jefferson built. One, our hero, named Lance Larue, or something, seeks to find the original bottle and put it in a safe place among those who will know its value and thus allow it to manifest its world-rattling importance. In this quest, he, of course, meets a beautiful young female wine lover, who is at first skeptical of his extra-vinuous ends as a)deluded and b)possibly self-serving but who comes to recognize both his intelligence and his aspirations. He, of course, though he needs her geekly knowledge, is exasperated by her lack of belief and underestimates the importance of that knowledge to what they need to achieve. Here we get sex between beautiful Hollywood actors.

Their quest is obstructed by the evil Rodenstock (played by someone like Jeremy Irons or Alan Rickman), who both wants to get and drink the real bottle and to fund his aims by selling a forged one (which contains, of course, cheap merlot, because all those rich people who will bid on the bottle are too stupid to know the difference--hence scenes of cheap comedy at their expense). Rodenstock's attempts to get the real bottle lead to requisite car chases and escapes. Rodenstock, of course, has a beautiful but calculating and evil female assistant who will early on seduce our hero to get some vital information (causing periodic comic jealousy between our hero and his ultimate wine-geek true love)and, who will have some sort of kinky sex with Rodenstock that will indicate their perversity but also be normal soft-core porn.

I shouldn't need to spell out the rest.
Click to expand...

Sheesh. Everybody's a critic. What about trains, momma and old dogs?

Needs aliens.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Wasn't it pick-up trucks, momma and drinking? Either way, best song ever written.
 
originally posted by MLipton:
It might make "Bottle Shock" seem like a Palme d'Or contender.
Click to expand...

Good lord, that film could be used to torture the guy in "A Clockwork Orange." It made me want to gouge my eyes out.
 
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