Sometimes I really miss Joe . . .

Kay Bixler

Kay Bixler
You can't make this stuff up:

Dear Jennifer,

Congratulations on the esthetic and award winning successes of your wines. You have maximized the potential of the vines and the New York terroir. The only challenge left is to maximize your sales and profits.

Let me introduce my retail sales company, TTP Retail. We are a network of trained, sales professionals. We are the vital asset necessary to achieve “Sell-through”. We not only deliver your product’s unique sales message to the buyer at the point of sale, we do it with enthusiasm and practiced brevity. We don’t model, we sell.

Why let us present your wines? We relate your winery’s history; its benefits to the buyers it addresses and how it benefits the individual consumer. We succeed because our goals are completely aligned with yours. We call it “Sell-through”.

What is “Sell-through”? It is by far the most important element of a successful sale of your product. Too many companies “dump and run”. They feel they’ve succeeded when they have loaded every square inch of the retailers’ stores.

Unfortunately, next month always arrives but last month’s products remain to be sold. Tragically, there’s less room on the retailers’ shelves, floor and in his wallet for future sales opportunities.

We all know a retailer’s healthy cash flow improves the providers’ bottom line. And when successful programs are demonstrated to the retailer, the easier future sales will become.

Whether your goal is to introduce your products into a new, Upstate New York market or simply get your product off the retailers’ shelves, TTP Retail is your solution. Our trained and enthusiastic group gets the product out the door, freeing space and dollars for the next sales cycle. And as your products succeed, you can easily turn an adversary into an ally.

Let us light a fire under your marketing plan! The TTP Retail team has the knowledge and confidence to engage a buyer. We determine their needs and attempt to relate your product to those needs. Our motto is: “Value is 100% Perception”. If they see the value of your product, they will purchase it. Our goal is that they perceive your product in its most valuable light.

In the five decades I have worked in the spirits industry I have witnessed many sales successes. Undoubtedly, the wins occur only when all of the strengths of an organization are focused on a single goal “Cash Flow for All”. We wish to be the catalyst. We wish to make that happen with your products and priorities, week after week, year after year. Relax, we can handle it.

Replace that moderately attractive young lady with less than a paragraph of product knowledge, trying to fake her way through three hours of tasting; with a moderately attractive individual willing to engage the customer, seek out their needs and attempt to satisfy those needs with your product.

Try us. We are willing to guarantee a persuasive, no-hassle, fully documented introduction to your product. TTP Retail’s goal produces on-going cash flow today, tomorrow and into the future. And we succeed at a price below the current demonstrator’s market rate. Try us, you’ll like us.

With a single call, we can be selling your priority products by next week.
 
"Replace that moderately attractive young lady with less than a paragraph of product knowledge, trying to fake her way through three hours of tasting; with a moderately attractive individual willing to engage the customer, seek out their needs and attempt to satisfy those needs with your product."
 
This is the first time I've ever read this type of pitch all the way through. The last time I saw anything this attractive a guy tried to sell me an ant farm with it's own terroir.
 
originally posted by Lou Kessler:
[...] The last time I saw anything this attractive a guy tried to sell me an ant farm with it's own terroir.

Now they'll be trying to sell you Anthill.

originally posted by Kay Bixler:
"Replace that moderately attractive young lady with less than a paragraph of product knowledge, trying to fake her way through three hours of tasting; with a moderately attractive individual willing to engage the customer, seek out their needs and attempt to satisfy those needs with your product."

Yes, this particular gem was priceless.
 
originally posted by Lou Kessler:
Jeez, what have I missedThis is the first time I've ever read this type of pitch all the way through. The last time I saw anything this attractive a guy tried to sell me an ant farm with it's own terroir.
That was Joe Perry selling the ant farm, wasn't it?
 
originally posted by Bill Buitenhuys:
originally posted by Lou Kessler:
Jeez, what have I missedThis is the first time I've ever read this type of pitch all the way through. The last time I saw anything this attractive a guy tried to sell me an ant farm with it's own terroir.
That was Joe Perry selling the ant farm, wasn't it?
Most people and the state of Maine deny knowing Joe Perry which you probably understand.
 
originally posted by Bill Buitenhuys:
originally posted by Lou Kessler:
Jeez, what have I missedThis is the first time I've ever read this type of pitch all the way through. The last time I saw anything this attractive a guy tried to sell me an ant farm with it's own terroir.
That was Joe Perry selling the ant farm, wasn't it?
Most people and the state of Maine deny knowing Joe Perry which you probably understand.
 
originally posted by Bill Buitenhuys:
originally posted by Lou Kessler:
Jeez, what have I missedThis is the first time I've ever read this type of pitch all the way through. The last time I saw anything this attractive a guy tried to sell me an ant farm with it's own terroir.
That was Joe Perry selling the ant farm, wasn't it?
Most people and the state of Maine deny knowing Joe Perry which you probably understand.
 
originally posted by Bill Buitenhuys:
originally posted by Lou Kessler:
Jeez, what have I missedThis is the first time I've ever read this type of pitch all the way through. The last time I saw anything this attractive a guy tried to sell me an ant farm with it's own terroir.
That was Joe Perry selling the ant farm, wasn't it?
Most people and the state of Maine deny knowing Joe Perry which you probably understand.
 
originally posted by Kay Bixler:
"Replace that moderately attractive young lady with less than a paragraph of product knowledge, trying to fake her way through three hours of tasting; with a moderately attractive individual willing to engage the customer, seek out their needs and attempt to satisfy those needs with your product."

Yes, I was trying to picture Jen in the first role and for some reason it wasn't working.
 
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